Black Beans ‘N Rice- is about my life at 17 with a man 15 years older than I was who gave me a place to live when I otherwise didn’t have a place to go. Unfortunately during the time we lived together he began to abuse me both verbally and physically, and even after I got a place of my own I was still afraid to leave him. Later on in my life at 22 I finally found the strength to walk away and the courage to let go so you journey with me as I struggle to overcome the scars of low self esteem and lack of self worth, one day finding real love for the very first time at 25 years old. This story touches all and teaches something that is very important… we are worthy.

Synopsis:
Spooney was old enough to be her father but he didn‘t care. It made him feel like he still had it and that made him feel good. It‘s not all about how you do what you do because Binx was young and didn‘t know any better. She had fallen head over heels for him because he was different. As Binx applied the finishing touches to her face, her mother walked in and stood next to her, a questioning look in her eyes. She glared from the mirror and said something Binx would never forget. “You too pretty of a girl to be with such a old man. You‘re young and smart… he‘s just taking away all of your youth.” She was quite solemn in the way she spoke.What her mother didn‘t understand at that time was the damage had already been done, and she stayed not because she wanted to, but because she had to. She suffered Spooney‘s abuse both physically and mentally, and walking away wasn‘t easy because she was afraid.

Excerpt:
Binx was early to rise and eased out of bed. Spooney was still asleep and this
gave her a running start. She stuffed four pillow cases with her favorite things,
quickly loading them in the car she parked in front of the building.
“I get the dog and I’m home free…” she thought, stepping inside the apartment
door.
“Good morning lady… you up early.” Spooney greeted as she walked in. He
was standing in the middle of the hallway, his back facing the bedroom door.
“So where you headed to so early?” he asked, a suspicious look in his eye.
She held her nerve trying to remain as normal as possible. “I thought I would
go to the laundromat early, beat the crowd you know?” she said impulsively. “I
just came up to get Moosie since he hadn’t been out.” she told him locking the
leash on his collar.
“Aw I could’ve walked him for you this morning. That way you can go on and
get up to the laundromat and come on back here.” he glared toward her
rubbing his hand between his legs, sending a message.
Spooney stood about six feet and weighed two hundred pounds. He was
fifteen years her senior and Binx was twenty-two and very petite. He pulled the
last straw the night before the way he treated his mother at the dinner table.
His behavior replayed over and over in her mind, and made her sick to her
stomach feeling she couldn’t spend the rest of her life in fear. She recalled the
day he struck her face solely based on his speculation that she was seeing
another man much younger than he was, and this took him over the edge.
She smiled back at him taking Moosie in her arms. “That’s ok, I can walk ‘em it
won’t take long.” she said, keeping in mind he never liked the dog in the first
place.
“Well let me help you take your stuff to the car then.”
She quickly replied, “I’ve already done it.” Making her way toward the door.
He turned up his face nodding his head. “I see… I guess you did wanna get
there early.”
“Yeah…” she replied, reaching for the door knob.
He tried to speak through the big yawn he gave.
“What…?”
“I said I don’t get a kiss?” he repeated, squinting his eyes.
She gave a short sigh and stepped toward him. Moosie couldn’t stand him and
defended Binx as she moved in growling, then showing his teeth.
“That little joker sumthin else.” he laughed, slightly irritated by his behavior.
Binx held Moosie to her side as she kissed him on the lips.
“You’d better hurry up and come on back here girl.” he grinned, easing one
hand between her legs.
She pulled away giving a polite smile. “It should only take a few hours. Then
we’ll have a wonderful day.” she said, shutting the door behind her. She stood
for a moment releasing a big sigh, her legs shook as she headed down the
stairs, and her heart beat nearly out of her chest. “This is it Moosie…” she
said, holding him tightly. “This is it… I can’t believe how easy that was.” she
grinned, giving a sigh of relief as she left the building.
Spooney stood from the window watching as she led Moosie across the street.
“Don’t give him a reason; just stick to the plan… just stick to the plan.” she
reminded herself, seeing him from the window. She waved as they continued
around the corner on foot, and waited five minutes before heading back to the
car.
She made her move taking a quick glance toward the window, noticing he was
nowhere in sight. She put Moosie on the front seat and quickly shut the door.
She sat behind the wheel and began to panic unable to locate her purse with
her keys inside. She felt beneath the front seat and ran her hands across the
back frantically hoping to find them. She hung her head over the steering
wheel in utter disappointment, her eyes began to swell and she cried hard.
“Oh my god what did I do…? How could I have been so stupid, how could I
have been so stupid.” she repeated in disbelief. She turned toward Moosie,
sitting in the passenger seat, and he hopped over wagging his tail, licking the
tears from her face.
“We gotta go back up there…” she spoke softly trying to pull herself together.
She took a deep breath and stepped out of the car, heading back up stairs.
She knocked on the door and he opened it.
“Oh… you decided to come on back up here and take me up on my offer
huh?” he grinned.
She took hold of her nerves putting her best foot forward. “I forgot my purse
and my keys.” she told him.
“Ok…” he paused, “Now you can stay for a minute if you want too.” he tried to
convince her, giving a boyish grin.
“Old ass fucker!” she screamed inside, wanting to slap him in the face. “Nah I
gotta make it up there before the crowd comes you know?” She grabbed her
purse with keys now in hand, and she stepped toward the door with Moosie by
her side.
Spooney gave her a questioning look. “I thought you walked the dog already?”
“Yeah I did.” she said without thinking.
“So why you taking ‘em with you now?”
She paused for a second trying to think.
“You ok lady?” he said becoming suspicious.
She popped her lips shrugging her shoulders. “I guess I wasn’t thinking I can’t
be walking up in the laundromat with a dog.” she laughed, trying to play it off.
Her heart sank as she led Moosie back into the apartment. She kneeled in
front of him unsnapping his collar and squeezed him gently with her left hand.
The tears pressed hard against her lids but she refused to allow one to hit her
face, she couldn’t at this point she felt her life depended on it.
Spooney stood behind her watching as she came to her feet.
She didn’t turn around sensing he’d notice something was wrong so she
headed straight out and down the stairs. “I have to go but I’ll be back in a few
hours.” she called.
“Alright baby.” he grinned, shutting the door.
Binx took her seat behind the wheel, tossing her purse on the floor. “Moosie I’
m so sorry… I’m so sorry Moosie.” she cried out, starting the ignition. She
headed down Chicago Avenue and noticed a pay phone at the corner of Lake
Street and stopped, parking her car on the side of the road.
“Lord what am I gonna do…” she thought aloud, rocking back and forth,
holding her hand to her mouth. “I can’t go back there… I never wanna see that
man again. I can’t do it…” she shook. She caught her nerve and stepped out
of the car, running across the street to the pay phone, deciding to give her
best friend Hershey a call. Her wallet was empty and she had to call him collect.
“Please answer Hershey… please be there.” she muttered.
The phone was answered by the forth ring.
“This is the operator with a collect call from Bianca, will you accept?”
“From Binx…? Yeah I’ll accept the call.” he replied feeling she’d better have a
good excuse for calling him collect.
“Thanks Hershey.” she immediately spoke trying to keep her composure.
“Aw honey what’s the problem?” The sound of her voice made him nervous
fearing the worst had happened.
“Hershey I need you to do me a favor.” she stated, trying to catch her breath.
“Girl what is it… what’s happened?”
“I don’t have long Hershey I’m scared… I’ll tell you all about it later and I’ll pay
you for this call—”
“Don’t worry about that.” he interrupted.
“I’d like to know if you could three way this call to my house.”
“You mean call you at home?” he listened carefully trying to make sense of it
all.
“Spooney is at the house right now and I want you to please three way me to
him but not say anything on the phone, you can’t say anything Hershey you
hear me?” she warned.
He dialed the number without hesitation, keeping his promise of silence.
Binx swallowed hard feeling the knot in her throat.
“Hello…” Spooney answered.
“Yeah it’s me.”
He grinned taking a seat on the sofa. “You missing me already girl?”
Hershey had a great distaste for Spooney, feeling he was old enough to be her
father. Spooney never liked him because he was gay. He held on strong
trying to keep his lips sealed.
“Spooney I have something I need to tell you.”
“Oh yeah… I love you too.” he said, feeling a bit full of himself.
“No Spooney I want you to leave. I want you to leave my apartment.” she said
modestly, trying not to upset him.
Hershey’s mouth flew wide open and he took a seat at the dining room table.
Spooney took a short pause, thinking about what she’d said. “Now say that
again? No wait a minute…” he stopped in mid sentence. “Where are you, let
me come up to the laundromat.”
Hearing this, her heart raced fearing he’d catch her out on the street and beat
her to death. Her hand began to shake and she held the phone tightly. “I’m
not at the laundromat, I’m at a pay phone.”
“A pay phone where?” his voice deepened to a harsh tone.
Hershey came to his feet pacing back and forth in the room, a complete wreck,
hoping she wouldn’t disclose her location.
“I—I just wanted to call you and tell you that I want you to leave. I want you to
take all of your stuff and I want you out of my house and out of my life forever.
I don’t want to see you again, I don’t ever want to be in the same room with
you.” she told him.
“I don’t understand where this is coming from…” he shook his head trying to
wrap his mind around what he was told. “Have you been talkin ‘ta that mutha-
fucker Hershey?!” he lashed.
Hershey squeezed his eyes clinching his teeth together tightly, raising his hand
to the heavens above. “I can come ovah there and cut ‘yo dick off right now
you old fool…! Lord you’d better help me.” he thought, taking a deep breath,
clutching his chest.
“I can’t believe—why are you doing this? You are calling me from a pay
phone, let me come where you are so we can talk about this… please.” he
begged, trying to lower his tone.
“I don’t want to see you because I’m afraid–”
“Am I that big of a monster?” he said, raising his voice.
“Spooney if you don’t leave I’ll call the police and have them get you outta
there. I mean for you to go, please.”
“…humph, so you would actually call the Oak Park Police on me…? Have
twelve got-damn cars out there waiting to take my ass to jail? You know how
they do out here, this ain’t no Chicago.”
“I’m sorry Spooney I just want you to leave and leave me alone.” she took a
short pause, “If you don’t want to leave the apartment just stay and keep
everything… I don’t want it. Just let Moosie out and he’ll find me.”
He could see Moosie lying across the front door waiting for her to return. “Why
don’t you come and get the dog?”
“No, I won’t be back.”
“Well what’s going to happen to ‘em?” he asked, cutting his eyes in his
direction.
“I won’t be back for a few days that should give you enough time to leave. You
don’t have to worry about Moosie, feeding him or anything he’ll be alright.”
“So you just goan leave ‘yo dog huh?”
“He’ll be fine until I can see ‘em, I won’t be back to the apartment though.” she
explained, hoping he wouldn’t harm him.
“I don’t have much here just a few clothes…” he sighed deeply, taking a long
pause. “You don’t have to leave your apartment, I’ll go ahead and leave.” his
voice weakened and he began to weep, feeling his back was against the wall.
“I wish you would let me see you though, I love you. I wouldn’t do nothing to
hurt you.” he said, then changing his words. “I mean I know I hit you before, but
all I’m trying to say is that’s something I would never do again, if you could just
please…”
“It’ll never work Spooney, I’m too afraid of you and I don’t want to spend my life
in fear like this.

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Trailer for Black Beans N Rice